Dear David: I Feel Unsupported by My Senior Pastor

Every once in a while I get questions from KidMin leaders that I know a lot of other leaders are wondering too. So here’s another installment of our KidMin version of “Dear Abby.”

Dear David,

I love my church and I love leading our children’s ministry, but sometimes I feel like my senior pastor barely knows what we do. He rarely comes into the kids’ area, doesn’t seem to know what we’re working on, and hardly ever talks about children’s ministry from the stage. I know he has a lot on his plate, but it’s hard not to feel like our ministry isn’t very important to him.

How do I get my senior pastor to care more about children’s ministry?

— Feeling Unsupported in KidMin

Dear Feeling Unsupported,

I get it. When you pour your heart into a ministry week after week, you want the person leading your church to see it, value it, and champion it.

But before you conclude that your senior pastor doesn’t care about children’s ministry, let me challenge you with a different question:

How easy are you making it for your senior pastor to care about children’s ministry?

Your senior pastor is carrying a lot. Sermons. Staff. Budgets. Counseling. Elders. Vision. Conflict. That weird noise the air conditioner started making during second service.

There’s a good chance your pastor cares deeply about kids and families but simply doesn’t see most of what happens in your ministry.

And if that’s the case, you can help.

Here are a few ways:

1. Don’t just report problems. Share wins.

If the only time your senior pastor hears from you is when you need more volunteers, more money, or another classroom, children’s ministry can begin to feel like one more problem to solve.

Give your pastor something to celebrate.

Tell the story of the second grader who decided to follow Jesus. Forward the email from the parent whose child talked about the Bible lesson all week. Send a picture from Sunday morning with a two-sentence story about what was happening.

Don’t assume your pastor knows the good things happening downstairs.

Bring the stories upstairs.

2. Connect children’s ministry to the church’s bigger vision.

Your job isn’t simply to convince your senior pastor that children’s ministry matters.

Show your pastor how children’s ministry is helping accomplish what your church says matters.

If your church is passionate about discipleship, show how kids are becoming disciples.

If your church wants to reach young families, show how children’s ministry is helping families feel welcomed and connected.

If your church values serving, share stories of teenagers and adults discovering their gifts through serving kids.

Children’s ministry shouldn’t feel like a separate church happening down the hallway. It should feel like an essential part of the mission of your church.

3. Invite your pastor in.

Don’t wait for your senior pastor to wander into the kids’ area.

Invite them.

And I don’t necessarily mean asking them to teach a 30-minute Bible lesson to 75 third graders.

Ask your pastor to stop by for five minutes and say hello. Invite them to pray over your volunteers before a big event. Ask them to visit VBS or pop into a volunteer training.

Give your pastor easy opportunities to see the ministry firsthand.

Because it’s much easier to care about something when you’ve seen the faces behind it.

4. Make your pastor a hero to your volunteers.

This one might feel counterintuitive.

If you feel unsupported, your instinct might be to let your frustration leak out to your team.

Resist that temptation.

Look for opportunities to honor your senior pastor in front of your volunteers. Talk about the church’s vision. Celebrate the things leadership is doing well. Help your team see that they’re not just serving “the kids’ ministry” — they’re serving the mission of the whole church.

Honor has a funny way of traveling both directions.

5. Have the conversation.

If you genuinely feel unsupported, don’t let resentment quietly build. Ask your pastor to coffee.

But don’t begin with, “You don’t care about children’s ministry.”

Try something more like:

“I really want our children’s ministry to support the vision you have for our church. What could I do to help you feel more connected to what’s happening in KidMin?”

Then listen.

You might discover that your pastor cares more than you thought. You might also hear some things you need to work on.

Either way, you’ve opened a door.

Here’s the bottom line:

Don’t spend your energy trying to get your senior pastor to care about your ministry. Spend your energy building a partnership.

Communicate. Share stories. Connect what you’re doing to the church’s vision. Invite your pastor into the wins.

And give it time.

You may never have a senior pastor who visits children’s ministry every Sunday or talks about it from the stage as often as you’d like.

That’s okay.

You don’t need your pastor to become the biggest KidMin cheerleader in the building.

You need a healthy relationship, a shared mission, and enough trust to know that you’re both working toward the same thing:

Helping people—including the littlest ones—know and follow Jesus.